Processing

We had a phone call yesterday afternoon with Abraham's birthfather (S).  It went well, all things considered. 

It was hard though.  People are mufti-faceted, but it is often easier to think of them as one dimensional.  It's easier to think of someone as either good or bad.  Selfish or selfless.  Mature or immature.  It's just simply not the case, and that's no different when it comes to birthparents and adoption.

We are still processing the new information we gathered from the call.  Our processing will continue over time as S would like an on-going relationship with us.  That's something we are proceeding into with our guards up and lots of trust needing to be built.  At the forefront of our minds will always be: what is best for Abraham. 

If a relationship with S can be healthy and productive, then it will continue.  Right now we think that may be a possibility, we just have to some relational capitol and set up boundaries once we know what they need to be.  It will be a relationship that surely evolves and changes as Abraham grows up and we have to navigate the truth of his story with him.

For right now though, the important piece is that S will not sign a consent for the adoption, but his rights are being terminated (they have already been terminated in one state and in the process of being terminated in our state).  It does not sound like he is going to do anything to fight this process or to attempt to undo what's been done. 

For that we are thankful.  February 18th will be his last day to decide to battle this.  If he doesn't by then, we will be able to proceed to finalization which should happen in March. 

Apologies for Being Vague

Let's start with some positive news.  Abraham is 7 months old this coming weekend.  He's gaining weight (15 lbs. .5 oz!) on his new feeding regimen (hypo-allergenic formula) and seems to be stopping spitting up (my laundry thanks him). 

But now there's some other stuff going on in our world with him.  I really don't like drama.  I'm ok with life being boring, so I don't like having to keep posting about crazy things going on in his life. I can't get into much for details, because as much as this blog feels like my tiny little corner of the universe, it's actually very public and searchable.  I've wanted to keep people updated, but wasn't sure how to do so without giving out more information than I should, but also not just feeding the drama.  I would like you all to know what we're up against right now though because it's hard on us.  It's affecting our days and our minds are distracted.

So it will have to suffice to say that we are trying to get Abraham's adoption finalized and it's not going as smoothly as we would hope.  Things have gotten a little bit complicated.  K (biomom) is still wonderful, supportive, and wants this.  Abraham doesn't only have one birthparent though, sooooo there's that.  Things over the next week could either go really smoothly or it could become a battle.  So vague.  So sorry. 

Cutest.baby.ever.

Here's what you can do dear friends.  Pray for us.  Pray for Abraham.  Pray that his story doesn't have to be messy and that everyone involved would have clarity of mind about what is best for him.  Pray that we would find our hope in Christ alone and let him fill us and not our circumstances. 

Hard Places Continue

I've been neglectful in updating about Abraham lately.  In part because I'm not even sure what to say, but also because it's just plain hard.  I feel as though ever since this happened, we haven't been able to really rest in him being healthy.  But hello, that's not where we find rest anyway, so me setting up my children's health as a place to relax and find solace is faulty at best and an idol at worst.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

~Jesus

Boom.

So I need to find my rest in Jesus and just keep fighting with His strength for my son's well-being.  Got it.  Well, as much as I can.  Until this afternoon when I need to repeat the Gospel to myself because I'm living as though I am not freed from the burdens of this life.

If you remember, back in October we were testing Abraham for crazy diseases and syndromes.  Thankfully, the tests all came back negative.  But that doesn't change the fact that he still had/has some of the symptoms of those things.  He was and is small.  Now, that in and of itself isn't an issue for all kids, but it is getting to a point where it is worrisome for Abe.  He was born in the 40th percentile and has slowly slipped each month down to his current standing in the 2nd percentile.  His worst drop was this month when he only gained 1 ounce.  In a whole month.  The doctors want him gaining 4-5 ounces a WEEK.  Ugh.  

So after much looking into it, the issue does not appear to be with the quantity of food he's getting.  In other words, it's not that nursing him isn't working (because I know that's where a lot of minds go based on the immediate questions I get when talking to people about this).  I make enough to satisfy him.  So the problem could be many, many different things.  It could be that he has some sort of GI problem that makes him not want to eat as much as he truly needs to grow.  Or that he's eating plenty, but not absorbing nutrients properly.  Or that he spits up too many of his calories to grow.  Or that he's allergic to something in my milk and that's causing inflammation and growth issues.  We just don't know, yet.

So for right now we are trying to maximize the number of calories he takes in.  This means feeding him bottles of breastmilk that have formula added to them to increase the calorie count per ounce.  He doesn't like this idea very much, but each day is getting a little better.  Meanwhile, my house is falling apart as I try to balance the added time and energy involved to pump, make bottles, wash pumping supplies and bottles, and feed bottles.  It's reminding me why I like just nursing so much.  We will check his weight again on Friday to see if this protocol is doing any good for his chubbiness.

But, the new feeding plan doesn't really tell us what is wrong; so tomorrow he's having a GI scope done of his esophagus, stomach, and small intestine.  I'm less than thrilled about the procedure.  He will be put under general anesthesia and be intubated so that he doesn't spit up and cut off his own airway.  They will do biopsies along the way as well as look for any physical abnormalities.  

Abraham, in the meantime, is his happy go-lucky self most of the time.  He's unfazed by the worry of the adults around him.  I will keep you all updated on how tomorrow goes, although it will take a week to get any results from the tests.