Sunday, May 31, 2015

Last Day of School 2015

I've been so busy I haven't even gotten pics posted of some important events that have happened lately.  I don't want to lose these pics of the stories around them, so they will just have to be late.

This year Evelyn completed Kindergarten and Annie did a year of 4-year-old preschool.

This one clearly gets her flair for the dramatic and her height from her mom.  She has blossomed so much this year.  Her speech, writing, and math sense have progressed more than we ever thought they would.  I'm so proud of her.

Dear, sweet Annie is growing so much.  She has done great adjusting to being at school during the day.  She is always worn out and snuggly by the time she gets home.  

The girls were adamant that Abe be in the group photo too.

Annie at her awards ceremony.  She received the creativity award.

 Evelyn was so proud of herself.  The kids recited their memory verses from the year then had awards presented.

Matched Again!

"Here we go again!" ran through my mind as we got word that an expectant mom was interested in our family.  She had it narrowed down to a couple families she liked, but wanted to talk to us on the phone before making her decision.  She made her decision mid-phone call apparently!

While we were waiting for her to give official word to the agency that she wanted us to parent this baby, I was getting the mail from outside.  A package had arrived.  It was a baby blanket I had ordered from a friend 2 months prior because I needed to feel something.  I needed to still think a baby would join our family.

Like a little wink from God, there was the blanket and news of our hopeful baby at the same time.

So here's the details we keep being asked about!

We don't know the sex of the baby.  We may find out beforehand, it just depends on if another ultrasound happens and if the baby cooperates.

Baby is due on September 8, but for multiple reasons that are private to her, she may deliver anytime in the next few months.  So we are gearing up for either a long summer of waiting or potentially a summer of hanging in the NICU.

She lives in Michigan!  11 hours away from here.  So a NICU stay would be challenging.  Our prayer is that the baby sits tight and bakes until August.  We have lined up housing options in Michigan which is an amazing blessing as hotels get so expensive for long term stays.  We also may have the Ronald McDonald House as an option as well if the baby is hospitalized.

Also, she's wonderful.  I adore her.  We all want an open adoption moving forward, so are looking forward to getting that experience again.

I've also been asked for a list of needs.  Pray for us, encourage us, let us be scared and excited and unsure and overwhelmed all at the same time.  When the time comes we may need help with our kids, house, meals, or logistics.  I will try to be specific about needs we have as they arrive.  If you would like to help, feel free to list specific ways/things you could do so that if I need that thing I can ask!  I've always felt as though we had a whole village walking along this with us and its invaluable to us!

Monday, May 11, 2015

I've Become a Cynic

Abe asked me where his baby brother is today.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  There are lots of hearts in my home that are ready for a new little person to join us.  It was one more thing lain on my own weary heart.

The amount of brokenness in my life right now has left me feeling cynical.  Which really, is an awful place to be.  Cynicism is a defeated weariness.  I've developed so much scar tissue from the pain of the last 4 months that I don't even want to expose myself to anything.  I want to hide away from it all until its past.  I don't want to trust God because I am actively questioning his goodness at times.  I'm not able to find joy in this adoption journey because I'm too aware of the pain of waiting and the hurt of things falling apart to even dare trust or hope.  I avoid attempting to restore relationship with my dad because I know what it feels like to once again be betrayed and that restoring relationship means taking a person as they are, faults and all.  It often feels better to be numb than to feel the depths of everything that has gone on this year.

My prayers feel empty.  Phony.  Devoid of relationship.

So I'm taking some time to engage life in a more meaningful way.  Focusing more on relationships that feed my soul.  Spending my time reading on topics that speak to where I am right now rather than zoning out numbly online.  And figuring out what this all means for where God and I are.