I get lots of questions about Abraham and his/our situation with him. Some from strangers, most from those I love. I really don't mind answering them for the most part.
There's only been a few that put me on edge.
"Why did you adopt when you have two of your own?"
It's a really well intentioned question and obviously a curiosity. But please, oh please, oh please don't word it that way once he's old enough to hear and understand. My insides want to scream, "HE IS MY OWN!!!" But I usually politely respond about why we chose to adopt. I'm very non-confrontational when speaking instead of typing.
"Why did his mom give him up?"
Sigh. I'm his mom. I really, truly am. Yes, he also has a birthmom, but even she refers to me as his mom and always has. And again, when he can understand particularly, please don't refer to anyone but me as his mom. And I struggle with the rest of the wording too because it makes it sound like he was unwanted. He wasn't. Unplanned? Yes. Unwanted? No.
On a side note with these questions. I'm just not quite sure why strangers ask me them. Certainly they are just curious, but they are pretty personal questions! I've never walked up to a woman with multiple children and asked her whether they were the result of birth control failure. Or if she pushed them out her vag. Or some other grossly inappropriate small talk for the aisle of Target. Oh well.
This post deviated from where it was headed.
What I really wanted to say is, sweet little Abraham was born 3 weeks ago. How did that happen???
He weighs in at 7 lbs. 9.5 oz as of Monday afternoon at the doctor. Little peanut.
That means he's gained almost a whole pound since birth. Over a pound from his weight when we left the hospital. And what's he grown on?
Boobie milk! 100%!
He hasn't had to have a single drop of formula or anything from a bottle since the day he was born.
This is so huge for me. Huge. It's something I wanted so badly for him. I logged many hours nursing and hooked to a pump to make it happen, and it did. Praise Jesus.
i love this. i've gotten:
ReplyDelete"we've thought about adopting! but we wanted to have our own kids first."
"why is his mom giving him up?"
"i know someone who adopted! they have two daughters, and then they adopted two african american kids." (SERIOUSLY?!)
and i'm sure there's more that i've blocked from my memory...
i think you should answer with, "did you have your son/daughter vaginally or through c-section? just curious. oh and rude."
Oh yes, that first one drives me cray cray too.
DeleteAnd Liz you can delete this comment but Jon has made that statement before (that he wants "our own first"). But he doesn't mean it the way it normally comes across. It's not that he will Love them more or something like that, or that they are "more" ours or whatever....What he means is: I don't want to only adopt kids, I want some of our own too.
DeleteI know the spirit behind using the phrase, I just think it is easier for adoptive parents and for adoptees when you say, "we would like to also have biological children" instead of "we would also like to have some of our own." Make sense? Because really, both biological and adopted children are equally "your own", it's the biology that is the only difference.
Deletewow he looks so much like my son when he was born. That is so exciting you have been able to nurse him. I always wanted to but because none of my kids are biological I never could get a milk supply. We get so many crazy and sometimes down right offence questions at this point there is very little someone can say that shocks me. I always just pray my kids aren't in earshot. Sometimes I can tell by the way someone is looking at us that something crazy is going to come out of their mouth so I will send my kids to go get something for me so they aren't around for the ignorance.
ReplyDeleteLiz...tears in my eyes. Thanks for your post! As I write this, a family we know and care for are on their way to a foreign country to pick up their three new sons. They've had 4 sons biologically and have chosen to expand their family to allow for 3 more. They will no doubt hear many of these same questions and will have to learn to respond graciously, as I'm sure you always do! Your lovely children (all of them!) will learn so much by watching you respond patiently to these sometimes rude interruptions in your days.
ReplyDeletePraying for you!
Libby
I love my sweet little nephew! Cannot WAIT to meet him!!! :)
ReplyDeleteAs far as the comments, sometimes there just doesn't exist the right phrases or words in our culture to enable people to ask the questions in their head in a way they would like. I even get nervous sometimes about this whole topic (as well as references to race in general) when talking with you or others because I don't know what would or wouldn't be offensive words or phrases. Just keep extending grace to us ignorant people and rejoice in a chance to share the story of God's glory in your family. :)
Ack! I never want you to feel that way. Thanks for the reminder to speak truth in love to people. Love ya sis.
DeleteHe is soooooo adorable!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful children! Thank you for your beautiful blog.
ReplyDeletewww.newadoptionblog.com
wow, congrats on the breast feeding
ReplyDelete