I sat down to write this out about a week ago. Evelyn was at school and I filled the bathtub up with water for Annie and Abe to play in, so that I could sit on the bathroom floor and type out what has been stirring in our hearts for months.
I plopped Abe in the water and he promptly squatted and pooped. First time I've had a kid poop in the tub. Awesome.
I got him out, drained the tub, cleaned it up, bleached it, and refilled. I then look out at Abe in the hallway and realize he's peeing all over the carpet.
So, I plop him back in the tub, clean up the pee and then get Annie ready to climb in with Abe. Here's what I find.
At that point I had no choice but to laugh. The tub was drained, cleaned, and bleached again. I refilled it and the kids finally got their bath, but I didn't even know how to write out my thoughts at that point.
It was such an accurate picture of what life is for me right now during the day. Constant kid needs. Constant. It's not usually pooping in the tub; it's usually tantrums, meals, messes, out of control emotions, and boredom that need tended to.
But the reality is that while dealing with one issue, another is inevitably happening that will need handled as soon as I finish the first thing.
And as soon as I try to sit, this is what my lap looks like. Different days, same scene.
My lap is full, my plate feels full. The reality is though, that my plate felt full when I just had Evelyn. And it was. Then we added Annie and then we added Abraham, and I realized how much I could actually fit on that plate.
So it's with that, that I say we've decided that there's room on the plate, and in our family, for more. Not because we love chaos and are fully rested and feel totally up for this, but because it's what we want for us and our family. It's what we want for our family long term.
By the end of June, our home study will be updated and we will be actively pursuing another adoption. We are just working with a couple attorneys that we really liked from Abraham's adoption rather than a large agency. The process will most likely be slower, the wait longer, but we are ok with that.
We are excited, anxious, scared, and all the emotions one can go through when deciding to make a huge life change. We hope you will be excited with us.
Pretend he's excited about a new baby and not about water coming back out of the fountain spout.