Abraham: 3 Months

I never got a two month post up for sweet babes because this was happening.  But, he's healthy now!

So here we go.  3 months.

You've almost reached 12 pounds little peanut.

You still love being worn by mom above all else.  Although eating comes in a close second. 

You hold yourself up on your tummy really well.

You giggle, and I completely turn to mush inside. 

Smiles are pretty easy to come by.

Sleep, however, is not quite as easy.  You are king of the 45 minute nap silly boy.  You're only up 2-3 times a night after a long stretch of sleep at the beginning.  You still prefer to swaddled. 

I love you more than I thought possible.  You fit so beautifully into our family that I can't imagine my days without you.

When We Weren't Dealing With Staph and Zinc

...summer happened.  Here's a glance back at all things non-illness that happened over the last few months.

Scott started doing date night with the girls.  It's a big hit.

These two became really good buddies.  They have a really amazing bond.

We went to Iowa and Abraham got to meet some more family.

We managed to get all of our children, niece, and nephews all in one photo.

This one turned two.

We hosted lots of get togethers.

Learned how unexciting it is to travel with three children in the car for hours.

Visited the KC acquarium.

Some lovely friends hosted a baby shower for me.  Much appreciated.

Four generations of Behrens men got into one photo.

We went to Adventureland.

Annie learned she doesn't like rides in general, particularly water ones.

Abraham discovered that there are animals above his head in his swing.

We managed to have a date night.

We figured out how to get us all dressed and out the door for church and I got to dress Abraham like his daddy.

The girls started sharing a bed and room and therefore started getting up REALLY early.

This beautiful girl turned four!

She got her first two-wheeler.

And convinced mommy to drop her prior non-Disney princess house convictions.

We will miss summer, but I will try to embrace my sweaters. 

End of Summer Pie

I mourn the end of summer.  While I really do enjoy fall weather, as the air turns colder that means winter is on it's way and there's really nothing about winter I like.  Except Christmas.

In fact, we've clung to summer so much that one cool morning when the girls wanted to swim in the pool, I warmed up stock pots full of water to pour in so that we could get one more use out of it.

So as a new way to refuse to accept the end of summer, I bring you gluten-free Key Lime Pie.  Delish.  It's gluten-free, but not healthy.  You can pretend it is though when you realize you've eaten half of it in one sitting.

Unfortunately I have no photos of it to share with you.  Blog fail.

Key Lime Pie

Crust:
1 box Smoreables gluten-free graham crackers
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup sugar

Filling:
 2 cans sweetened condensed milk
1/2 cup sour cream
3/4 cup key lime juice

Topping:
cream
sugar

Directions:

1) In your food processor, turn those graham crackers into crumbs.  Combine with sugar and butter and press into a pie plate.  Bake for 5 min. at 350.

2) Whisk together filling ingredients.  Pour into baked crust.  Bake for 8-9 minutes at 350.  No longer!  You don't want browning.  You just want to set the filling.

3) With your mixer (or if you have arms of steel with a whisk), beat the cream and sugar until you get it nice and fluffy.  This is not an exact science.  If you like just a little whipped cream on each piece, don't make much.  If you like to slather the top of your pie, plan accordingly.  Some like their whipped cream sweeter than others, just keep adding sugar and taste testing until it's how you like it.

4) Chill in the fridge for 6 hours.

Voila.

That's really it.  Super easy and amazingly delicious.

Looking for more pie inspiration?  My friend Leslie is an amazing baker and has a pie blog.  She lives down the street from me so I get to sample these delights.  I'm getting chubbier just thinking about it. 

I'm Not Enough For Him

We are back home, and life is returning to a new normal.  A normal with three children, three and under.  Mass quantities of meals, snacks, diapers, and burp rags.  And yet I assure you that the last month has changed things in my heart. 

While I would never again wish to go through such an experience, so much growth can occur in your life when you are staring down a harsh reality.

So many of the things I hung my hat on and sinfully found my identity in went flying out the window faster than I could possibly imagine. 

As I watched my son receive his first two doses of antibiotics that were so strong they could potentially destroy his veins, I was reminded of my proud heart.  I once took pride in the fact that I had never had a child on internal antibiotics.  I just didn't care anymore though.  My beautiful son lay sleeping in my arms, passed out for the intensity of the pain he had just gone through.  Who cares if I'd been able to keep the girls off antibiotics, all I wanted my son to be well. 

Organic lotions were traded for mass quantities of petroleum jelly.  Cloth diapers were swapped out with disposables.  Amber necklaces and calming essential oils were replaced with narcotics. 

It was definitely a time of stretching for me and a giving up of the control I thought I had. 

I was mulling this all over tonight as I fed Abraham a bottle.  2 1/2 months into life and he had never before received a bottle out of necessity.  I had to supplement for the first time in his life.  I thought this day would be hard for me, but the reality of it just didn't seem like a big deal after all we'd been through. 

My identity as a mom is not wrapped up in him not needing bottles, or antibiotics, or pain medication.  His life is so, so much more than that. 

As I watched him greedily and hungrily suck that milk down there was a sense of relief.  Of not having to meet a standard of being all he needs.  I will never be all he needs, and his need for a bottle is a beautiful reminder of that. 

He needed more than me when he was first conceived; when his birthmom decided that he was not a choice, but a child who deserved LIFE. 

He needed more than me when I walked into that emergency room and handed him over to be poked and prodded in the search for answers.

He needed more than me tonight when he was still hungry after nursing.

He will need more than me, more than anything this world can give him in fact, as he grows into a man.  I pray that he comes to recognize that and has as much peace with it as I do now. 

I look back at the last month and it's so easy to say, "Why, Lord??  Why my precious son?"  And I don't know why, but I do know this.  The picture of my son lying helpless in a hospital bed and me being powerless to do anything about it is the closest picture I can come to of how I need to feel about the condition of my own heart.  My sin has reeked more havoc on my heart and mind than staph did to Abraham's skin and I am powerless to do anything about it.  My attempts to fix myself and make myself right before God were akin to my attempts to make him better by rubbing yeast cream on a staph infection.  But, God chose to spare Abraham and he chose to spare me.  So in that, I can rejoice.