Thursday, April 12, 2012

Approval Idols

I grew up Lutheran, so twice a week I could be found at church learning Bible stories and Catechism and all that stuff.  We pretty much focused on the same Bible stories every year and memorized the same verses.  There may be something to be said about that, but that's not the point of my ramblings today.

I was thinking back to that this afternoon.  One of the parts of the Bible that received considerable attention was the Ten Commandments.  There's some serious law there that none of us have ever come close to measuring up to (that being the point by the way).

When we got to the commandment about not worshiping idols it was always pointed out that God was not referring solely to not worshiping stone statues, but also to not worship things like money.  That was always the example given.  It's a good example, but I don't think it really gets to the heart of the issue: your own heart.  Because when it comes down to it, I don't worship money.  I worship the approval that money offers me by allowing me to have things that others approve of.  I want people to approve of what I wear, how I decorate my home, the food I cook, and Lord knows what else.  All those things require money.  So while I want the money, it's not because I worship it, it's because I default to worshiping what it gives me.

I love approval.  Social media has brought this out in me even more.  How many people will respond to or like my Facebook status?  Will someone pin the project I made or my recipe?  Who will respond to my picture on Instagram?  How many people will follow my blog?


So in walks Circle of Moms to my life.  I was nominated last year for their Top 25 adoption blogs.  I don't remember where I "finished", somewhere around 50 maybe?  So I received an email this year that I was automatically re-entered and went ahead and put the button on the sidebar of my blog.  I didn't really promote myself beyond that because I am trying to battle this approval idol of mine and didn't want to get wrapped up in how many votes I got or what place I ended up in.  Besides, there are some amazing moms our there who blog about the different facets of adoption with far more experience and expertise than I may ever have, and I would rather they be in the top 25.

I removed even that button from my sidebar today though.  There is a wonderful blogger out there that is a firstmom/birthmom.  She gave birth to a child and was coerced into placing that child for adoption.  She writes about hard realities and is a voice for mothers who are in her shoes.

She was in 1st place.

But she's not anymore.  She's not even on the list.  Circle of Moms removed her because they wanted the list to be full of positive blogs.  Apparently it's not ok to be on their list and talk about real, hard truth.  Adoption involves loss, separation, pain, grief, and coming to terms with the fact that we live in a broke, sinful, and fallen world.  If the website hosting this contest is not willing to let that be talked about, I don't want to be any part of it.  So if you stumble upon it, please don't vote for me.  It would do me good to end up in last place.


Within an hour of posting this I received this email from Circle of Moms -


After serious consideration, we have decided to cancel our Adoption Blogs by Moms – 2012 contest. Our Top 25 program is meant to celebrate, connect, and support mom bloggers. Following some feedback from participants in our 2011 contest, we decided to make this year's Top 25 more inclusive. In doing so, we unknowingly stepped into a very sensitive issue and debate, and we apologize to all the moms who have been offended, no matter what your position on adoption is. We're committed to finding a way to give all parties in the Adoption Triad a voice on Circle of Moms. If we run a Top 25 Adoption Blogs in the future, we'll consult with mom bloggers in each part of the Adoption Triad on how to create a supportive contest where all bloggers would feel welcome and respected by Circle of Moms and by all participants. We appreciate the time and energy every participant put into this contest during the past week, and we sincerely regret that we can't reward those efforts in the way we had planned to when we launched the contest. 

We will be closing the contest at 3pm PST today and all blogs will be removed from the contest page.


The Circle of Moms Team

Yes, they stepped into sensitive issues and debate, but instead of providing space for those things, they are just going to delete everyone.  I like them even less now. 


  1. I love this post! I suffer from the same thing. Ugh, I have a love/hate relationship with social networking. By the way, your girls are too cute!

  2. ya, that is hard. people don't love honesty. isn't it strange...we all say we do, but not everyone does.

  3. Love this post- I do the same thing and then kick myself for worrying so much about things that really don't matter- I hold out hope that I will learn before 40...Also, not surprised about Circle of Moms- I was told more or less that writing for them or posting for that matter must be positive- in other words- no mentioning those ugly racist incidents that we have seen since adopting- such things would never have affected our decision to adopt and I think it is a valid topic for conversation in adoption- racism is ugly but it won't change unless it is confronted and that means it needs to be discussed- but evidently that site isn't ready for such discussion...maybe one day....


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